Conclict in me..

Raining..heavily.. upsad..conflict in me.. i know absolutely what is the right one..but when i was facing my love ones..conflict in me.. i did voice out what i have to.. but, i dint voice out the all till the end cause i know they understand what is in my thinking.. maybe they can expect my reaction..but they still told me that. Whether i voice out or not..i m guilty for both..guilty to God. I m sad..angry..unbelievable.. but i dont know who or which what should i angry to.. i din continue the conversation..and change topic..cause i m scare of their sadness..guiltyness.. i should calm down..talk again another time..in a better way..
Thinking of in another way..

When i heard that..all the senses came in me.. What life is..? I get the answer in CHRIST.
We should try our best, time is passing.. Today's preaching : God gave us life to experience the world. One can never understand the appreciation if u dont experience it and impacted in heart.. one's life in drama touched me.. linked to the real life.. not crying.. but "tearing"..out of control..
One can just gone suddenly in my life..our hope is in CHRIST..cause..i know that we will meet in heaven..in the future..as GOD has given us the eternal life..rejoice deep in my heart cause i know i have got the hope..but what about my love ones..when i saw them...can i rejoice myself ??
Appreciate others..as i dun knw what will happend to me for the next..or the ones arround me..
the rejoice that i want others to have it..i cant rejoice by myself.. BUT, I should know and realise that everything is in HIS control..i should have realise, and understand in my heart, not only in my brain.. learning.. Work out as what i can through GOD's power.. the assignment that given by GOD..

Knowing the word APPRECIATION, but, how deep is it deep in our heart? realise it? Do we really understand n knowing the reason WHY appreciation in heart? an assignment to be learnt...
When we experience death n life, we will know it.
Somehow..we think of..death n born are very far frm us.....coz i am born about 23 years ago and 70th is still far frm me. So, izit both of born and death matter far frm me.. ya.. but that is only true from human seeing.. there are lot of unexpected things...that's how life.
but, i m grate that...GOD is handling..and we should try our BEST!!